Waiting for a new beginning
a month later I make another post... days seem to blend together. Days weeks months, they don't seem all that different anymore. Time simply passes, and I really don't have much of a sense of it anymore. I'm just sitting here waiting for a new life to begin. But hopefully in another week or so, I'll get a job with nelson county public schools and I can start on a path towards that new life. I can get out of the house on a regular basis, I can be productive, I can make money, I can meet new people. I've given up my life up to this point for the most part... that is the people I've met, the things I've done are meaningless, gone forgotten, well with the exception of brandy who keeps popping in my head for some reason. I am ready, willing and able to leave that all behind. To erase the past and take who I am know into the future. To build a new life from the ground up. Because right now I have none. I'm sitting in some kind of purgatory between my new life to come and my past. Sitting on the shores of the river styx, waiting for the boatman to arrive. And in this, where I am now, I feel helpless and alone, though there is a dim light from the other side, I struggle to see it, but it is there. And I'm still waiting...
I suppose that's always the problem with me though. I'm always waiting for things to happen, never strong enough, courageous enough to make things happen for myself. And I keep waiting for something to happen to me, or for someone to do it for me. I guess what I really need to do is move out as soon as I am financially able. When I am on my own, when I am forced to rely on myself, I think I'll be, maybe not completely ok, but on the right path. Because when I am forced into a situation, when there is no backing down, I tend to bite the bullet. I tend to survive...
oh yeah, one more thing. I just finished watching the last 4 episodes of Saishuuheiko Kanojo today, and.. I dunno I guess I just watched it at the wrong time or something, cause I've been kind depressed ever since. I'd still recommend it, but keep in mind that anime is nothing but pain and misery. Not that is sucks, it's just really fucking sad. Anyone with half a fucking heart will be misty eyed at least through a good portion of the series. It's kinda funny though, the fansub I got off of animesuki, at the end of episode 10 (it's a 13 episode series) the fansubbers put a note that if you want the anime to have a happy ending, stop there and pretend there's no more episodes left, because it was all downhill from that point. I have a feeling I should've heeded that warning, at least for today anyway.
