memorial service

My grandmother died last week, her memorial service was Saturday night. I kinda wanted to write something about my emotions the night before, but unfortunately I had no access to a computer, so I ended up writing it on paper, about 4 pages of paper... damn non-digital crap. But yeah, I may get around to typing all that up tomorrow or something, I don't really feel like doing it now. But the service, if you can call it that, wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It turned out to be more of a meeting of family at the funeral home, with a video showing a slideshow of pictures of her, and scrap books on a table in the back of the room. It was kinda nice, not a lot of meaningless ceremony, kinda direct and to the point. Still I wonder if someone should have said a few words or something, to bring a bit of focus to why we were all there. Something to make everyone stop chatting for a moment and pay homage to the woman, a concerted unified effort to recognize her and the fact that she is no longer with us. But I can't really complain. She wasn't my mother, and I really didn't know her as well as I should have. Strange though, these funerals and such. It seems kind of backward to me about how they are all about showing respect and remorse, and yet the entire time people are straining to hold their composure, to not cry, to show the extreme emotions that the death of a loved one can bring upon someone. It would seem to me that a funeral would an appropriate time to release those emotions, yet people struggle, or work to help those who struggle to retain their composure, to hide the grief.